I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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