I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
