I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Lo siento on account of my penis...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
