He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
