The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
