Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
