I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
