ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
