Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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