On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
