the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
