before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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