Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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