the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
