Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
