wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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