On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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