Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
