would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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