This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
