highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The beers last night were like the tears from god
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You pole danced in your parka.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
