i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
BRING THE BAGELS
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
