i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
