Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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