i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
