it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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