Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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