I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him