Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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