After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves