She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
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WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets