OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
