we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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