Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
