if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
