Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
