so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
is that a dick in a sweater?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
