This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
