All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Betty ford says i'm here all night
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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