He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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