Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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