Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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