You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
