I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
