You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
