Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
