Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
