I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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