I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
