I could have mohawked her pubes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
