I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i think my mom watched the whole time
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
