i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
