Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
