I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
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Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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