I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
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Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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