fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
