I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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