my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
