she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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