You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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