i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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