I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
