you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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