My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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