how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
