Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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