Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
