My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
