new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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