I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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